Luka was excited to tell her teachers that she was going on vacation to visit her cousins and grandparents. She wanted me to let her tell them at school so they would be surprised. Her Kindergarten teacher did act surprised when she burst through the door to make her announcement, but I knew by her face that she had gotten my email. In the email, I explained to Luka's two teachers that my cancer had come back and that Luka would be away while I started treatment.
I didn't think I'd be upset dropping her off at school, but when one of her teachers handed me some journal pages for Luka - but not too many, because she didn't want to overwhelm her, I started to cry. I tried fanning my eyes, but it didn't work - and I'm not certain that that trick does work; seems more like a nervous reaction to crying - and I had to leave the classroom fast.
When I got home, I watched a movie with Scott and then closed myself in a room and practiced yoga for about a half hour. Now I feel better.
Today we go to the Oncologist to find out what exactly he thinks is going on, and what type of treatment they think will be best. I am supremely wishing that this doctor will be hopeful, despite the advanced stage of this awful monster cancer. I am supremely wishing he will agree with me that I am young and strong and can beat it.
I've been keeping an advice journal for Luka. I am also supremely wishing that when she is sixteen and reading it, I will be sitting next to her. Or at least washing the dishes while she is upstairs in her room with the door shut listening to strange loud music.